I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
How external is "for external use only"?
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
