oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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