I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Randomize
