I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
