we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
