U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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