I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
