How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I wish I only lived at night.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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