Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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