I wish I could teleport
Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
