I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
