apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
she told me i tasted like america
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
