btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
