I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Let's get the cat blown out
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I'm too high and old for this...
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
