it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I love you.
Bad choice
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
