Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
