Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Dignity is for republicans.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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