she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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