Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
