Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
