how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
