he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
