I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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