Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
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