Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
