drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
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