all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
