Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
