five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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