is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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