I think I died a long time ago.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
