I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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