HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
