you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize