O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
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