Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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