I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
he thought i was a dude.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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