I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Randomize
