I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Someone signed my nipple.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
