i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
