that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
