Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
