you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
i used baking grease as lip gloss
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
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