Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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