shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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