i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
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