I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
