I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
