you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
