i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
