I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
